: Monday, September 29, 2003 :

 
Listening to: Shane and Shane - Salvation Still Remains

Five hour hikes in the Alps have a way of making me so tired that I will wait til tomorrow to write more about them (the 5 hours hikes, that is).
Forgive my disfunctional comment box. I dont know how to fix it and it is annoying me. If anyone knows what the problem is, email me...
Goodnight!
rambled on byThais 10:54 PM

: Sunday, September 28, 2003 :

 
Listening to: JimmyEatWorld - Clarity (AMAZING cd... just plain amazing)

This weekend was a powerful reminder of why I am still here, and why I love youth ministry.
There've been many times that I've wondered why I am still here, why I am not in a "crazy place" serving God rather than being here in Geneva, where I grew up, where everything is comfortable, where everything is easy.
But God still has a lot to teach me here. He has a lot to teach me through the kids here. And He has a lot to teach me through the people I am blessed to work with.
There isn't much that compares with "hanging out with kids", knowing that somehow, God can use me to encourage them, God can use me to challenge them, God can use me just to show them what it looks like to follow Him. There's a whole lot of people out there who could do a much better job at doing these things but for some reason, God picked me for such a time as this, and man, it's exciting!
Leading worship was so much fun. But it was way more than just fun. It was SO cool to see teenagers really worship God. It was so cool to worship with them. It was so cool to leave that room knowing that we had met with God, or rather, that God had met with us. To know that God had met with 15 kids, that He is moving in those lives, that He is drawing people to Him. And that I can be part of that?? It blows me away!!

Parallely, I was also reminded of the "dangers" of youth ministry. It is SO easy to slip into a completely idolatrous attitude towards it. I mean, it feels good to be liked. And when you are a leader, you are usually liked. I had kids fighting to have me sit at their table. And if you've read some of my rencent posts, you know I like to be liked... The reason I love youth ministry simply cannot be because it puts me in a position where it is easy to be liked. And that is where I have to just surrender each and every day to God, where I have to surrender each and every relationship to Him, and where I have to remind myself that God alone satisfies, and God alone is worth living for. As soon as I start living for youth ministry, for results, for being liked, I am betraying the only One who has ever loved me PERFECTLY.

God,
Thank You so much. Thank You for the opportunity to serve You here. Thanks for an amazing time with kids this weekend! Thanks for allowing me to serve You despite my incapability to do so! If anyone else had such an indequate servant or co-labourer, they would have kicked me off their staff a long time ago! Yet You are patient, and You are kind, and You are forgiving.
And God, I want my ministry to be nothing more than a mere overflow of knowing You. Please redeem my motives, Father. Please save me from replacing my knowledge of You for a mere serving of You. Deepen my relationship with You so that You can use me in deepening others' relationships with You. I love You, God, and although I am not even close, I want to live for You alone.
rambled on byThais 10:42 PM

: Thursday, September 25, 2003 :

 
Listening to: Derek Webb - She Must And Shall Go Free

Today, I prayed with Marie (on the phone). Do you know how long it had been since I had done that? At least THREE months!!! :) That is like one if the hugest things I miss about not having her around. That, and columns, of course ;)
Anyways... Tonight is my last night babysitting, and this weekend is the youth group retreat. It should be fun! And challenging, because I have to lead worship, and I have never actually LEAD worship before! I really pray God will use us for His glory...
On a different note, our office looks SO COOL! You all have to come see it. Yes, even those of you who live across the ocean. I am going to work ona little picture arrangement to put on the wall by my desk, as I LOVE to do! (claire, where are you when I need you!)
I dont have any deep insights today... Too busy for thought, and I want to go spend some time with God before I fall asleep.
So this is it for today! Until next time....
rambled on byThais 10:05 PM

: Wednesday, September 24, 2003 :

 
Listening to: Derek Webb - She Must and Shall Go Free

I had a great evening at the Lloyds tonight. Seems like I always have a good time when I go there. That family just radiates God's love, and I mean just that! They aren't just nice people. What I mean, is that when you spend time with them, you feel like you've been with a little bit of God. Crabb talks about people whose lives entice you to a deeper relationship with God. Larry is definitely that kind of person. I think others might agree?
I also had some great conversation with Josh. That guy is so full of insight, it's great! Man, I get to work with the greatest people this year, what a blessing! I should never take that for granted...
I wish I had my Messy Spirituality book to quote from right now, but I dont, so we'll save that for another day. Instead, here is a song I wrote a couple weeks ago about.... well, it's pretty self-explanatory I'd say... But you can always ask if you wanna know more. I hope your week is full of little - or BIG - revelations of God!!!

Summer Turns To Fall
Well summer turns to fall
And I feel so alone
The people who were home to me
They've all up and gone.
This could be where You've wanted me
All along
With nowhere else to run
But to Your arms.

Father, teach me to depend
Let me feel Your Spirit all around me
There is nothing I want more
Than grow towards You.

Well summer turns to fall
May You be glorified
Please see past my shortcomings
And move in me.
The joy of knowing You
The awe at what You've done
The way You care for me
Will surely see me through.
rambled on byThais 10:25 PM

: Tuesday, September 23, 2003 :

 
Listening to: The Ataris - So Long Astoria

You know how some days there is absolutely NOTHING in your inbox, and then on other days, there are like 5 emails from 5 different people that you love to hear from? Today is one of the latter days... Which means I won't be getting any interesting mail for the next five days! I think people need to coordinate when they write me, so that I can get one good email every day! Come on people, let's shoot for regularity! I'm kidding, I love emails :) Even if they all come in on the same day!

The weirdest - yet quite amazingly cool - thing happened this afternoon... I don't think I've exactly grasped it yet, but let me relate this story to you. Larry, Josh and I were sitting in our newly refurnished office when this random french/speaking guy comes in, asking to speak to someone about religion and Christianity and the church's activities.
Well, since I am the only one who speaks French, I get up and engage the conversation. It turns out he is Muslim, lives in Paris, and wants to know the steps to converting to Christianity. At this point, Larry's all "let's go in another room and discuss this", so we troop into the conference room. So I'm trying to explain Christianity and its basic message in French (a challenge for me, since I usually talk about "spiritual things" in English) with Josh and Larry listening in and giving me some pointers from time to time (mainly with verses ,since my verses-knowledge is quasi non-existent). I draw the bridge illustration, and try to answer his questions, and well... he seems to get it, after a lot of questions about what you need to DO as a Christian. Probably due to his muslim background, he's having a hard time understanding that being a Christian is really about grace, not about works...
But he seems to understand and ends up saying "yes, I would like to become a Christian". So we pray, he repeats after me... and... yeah, we have a new brother in Christ!! This completely random guy that came off the street because he saw the cross and felt drawn to it!!
But get this!! I left the church in a hurry right after that, because I had to pick up the kid I'm babysitting from school. And I'm feeling very weird about the whole thing. My skepticism is getting the best of me, causing me to ask myself questions like "I wonder what his motive realkly was" and "Did he really understand this grace thing?" etc. So I send a text message to Josh, saying that was probably the weirdest moment of my entire life. And he writes back "yeah but it was awesome, and such an awesome answer to our prayer this morning".
This morning's prayer??? Oooooh yeah, I remember!! We had prayed that God would open our eyes to the supernatural things He is doing all around us that we have become blind to... Talk about supernatural! My skepticism decreased A LOT after that reminder!!

Dear God,
Wow, I am not sure I really grasp what You did today... But Father, I know it's huge! Thank you for using me despite my numerous shortcomings and my recurrent lack of faith. You never cease to suprise me. Every time I think I've got You figured out, You throw me on another loop. God, I pray for this guy, I pray that Your truth would be increasingly clear to Him and that You would make Yourself so real to him that he would never doubt you saved his life today. Surround him with Your people, so that he could start growing in You. And God, thank you for opening our eyes to Your crazy supernatural ways! I love You.
rambled on byThais 10:49 PM

: Monday, September 22, 2003 :

 
Listening To: Worship Mix

I'm reading chapter 6 of "Inside Out" (see "Food For Thine Thoughts" section) and it seems to be surfacing interesting things in my life... It's shedding some light on my "people addiction".
Crabb writes: "Sinful habits become compulsively attractive when the pleasure they give relieves deep disapointment in the soul better than anything else one can imagine" What are the deep disappointments and the deep longings of my soul? And once those longings are recognised, how do I seek to satisfy them?
I would say one of the biggest longings I can see in myself is a longing to be the favourite, the longing to be chosen above all other people. This is one step further than just wanting to be loved. It's like wanting to be loved MORE than anyone else is. It's not enough to be loved, no, I want to be the favourite!! With some thought, I realise that this longing is usually what drives me to hang out with people, get involved with their lives, and develop deep friendships... Somewhere, this is a compulsive attraction - I would much prefer to be depending on God for such things...
When I look at my life - the things and people in my life - through the lenses of this realisation, so many things become clear about the way I act, and the way I react! Man, we human beings can be so ugly on the inside... We must never forget the hugeness of God's grace, lest our ugliness send us into deep depression...
On another note, I got a text message the other day that made me think a lot. Basically, it was one person admitting she was scared of loving someone more than she was loved back. And I could completely relate! It is a scary thing to love. And it hurts when you realise you love someone more than they love you... So how far do we love until we back off for fear of loving more than we might be loved in return...

God,
The more I realise how sinful and selfish my motives are for getting involved with people, the more I realise my need for You. And it hurts to see my sin, but if it drives me to You, then so be it. Thanks for teaching me how to live.

That's it for today...
rambled on byThais 11:37 PM

: Sunday, September 21, 2003 :

 
I realised something: if I want to write regularly on here, I'm gonna have to have something to say. So in a sense, this site is keeping me accountable. I need to be reading, I need to be on the lookout for some good bands, I need to be aware of what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, and most of all, I need to be sitting at the feet of Jesus, learning and growing towards Him. Otherwise, I will have absolutely nothing to write about or even reflect on!!


rambled on byThais 6:37 PM

: Friday, September 19, 2003 :

 
ok, just real quick, I think I finally discovered how to add a comment box to my messages. Exciting!!

rambled on byThais 1:28 PM