: Tuesday, March 30, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Kutless - Sea of Faces

So in the past couple months, I've suffered from a debilitating CD-buying addiction. I need to go to CD-buyers anonymous meetings, I think! Here's a list of them, in no particular order of importance:

Something Corporate - North
Acceptance - Black Lines To Battlefields
MxPx - Before Everything & After
Cool Hand Luke - Wake Up, O Sleeper
Norah Jones - Feels Like Home
Brandtson - Dial In Sounds
Noise Ratchet - Til We Have Faces
Slow Coming Day - Farewell To The Familiar
Mae - Destination: Beautiful
Numbe One Gun - Celebrate Mistakes
Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head
Jeremy Camp - Carried Me: The Worship Project
Kutless - Sea Of Faces
Passion Worship - Hyms Ancient & Modern
Big Dismal - Believe
Switchfoot - The Beautiful Letdown
The Restoration Project - So Much Beautiful
Po' Girl - self titled

rambled on byThais 4:38 PM

: Friday, March 26, 2004 :

 
I'm tired of my own words.
I'm staring into silence.
Longing for connection,
But I don't know where to find You.

My utterances ring so empty.
My heart so shallow.
This nothingness's unbearable
Father, I'm dying of thirst.

And another pretty song won't do
It's Your Spirit I'm longing for
Rain it down, pour it down
Speak to me, I'm desperate.

Yeah, it's Your Spirit I'm longing for
Rain it down, pour it down,
Speak to me, I'm desperate.

rambled on byThais 12:03 PM

: Thursday, March 25, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Hillsong United - More Than Life

Have you ever had a conversation in which you end up listening to yourself and being shocked at what's coming out of your mouth? I had one of those moments today...
I was answering the question "what do you think God is challenging you with recently?" I answered "prayer." And then I went on to talk about how I was living on the surface; just letting life pass me by... And that's what scared me! I don't know what I've been doing recently, but I definitely haven't been relying on God. I haven't been drinking deep. I've barely even communicated with Him.
And what I really need right now is God's Spirit. I need Him to break through to me. I don't need more knowledge. I just really need Him to kickstart my heart.

"There must be more than this,
Oh breath of God come breathe within.
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God, we wait for You.
Fill us anew, we pray.
Consuming Fire, fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God, would You fall in this place
Lord, have Your way with us."
- [Consuming Fire, Hillsong United]

rambled on byThais 5:14 PM

: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Koo Chung - Commas Come First

Everyone seems so broken.
And I feel I've nothing to give.
I cannot change the circumstance.
Maybe share a little beauty,
But how; when disappointment
Taints even the clearest skies.

rambled on byThais 10:51 PM

: Thursday, March 18, 2004 :

 
Listening to: David Crowder - All I Can Say

I think that maybe for the first time, I am realistically confronted with obeying God. As in, it's not a nice theory that I talk about, but it's actually a reality my heart is struggling with at the moment.
I am convinced that God wants me to "serve the poor" (for lack of a better term) for a season. I've never really been outside my comfort zone. I've never really seen poverty. I've never really had to rely completely on God. And I know that it's in those kinds of environments where the clay is molded. Where faith is tried and strenghtened. Where depending on God becomes a reality, not just a concept.
The thing is, I am sick of meeting people for a year and then having to say goodbye.
The thing is, I love the people I work with and the nature of what I'm doing so much, that I'm wondering why in the world I would ever leave it.
The thing is, it's freaking SCARY to just pack up and go to India all alone.
So yeah, I guess obediance comes with a price. Am I really willing to leave these good things and good people behind to obey God?
Pray that I will be...

rambled on byThais 9:13 AM

: Monday, March 15, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Po' Girl - self titled

I've been in such a good mood since this weekend! Everything is just awesome :) I lead worship on Sunday, and the band did GREAT! I'm so proud of them. I went snowboarding today, and it was AMAZING! (and, most importantly, I have a goggle tan!!!!!!). Plus, I feel like I'm connecting with people. God is good. Life is good.
I'm still having a hard time with what to do come September, but it's not weighing down on me. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, eh.
Yup, so I think that's it for today.
I love good moods!
Yay!

rambled on byThais 10:31 PM

: Thursday, March 11, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Mae - Destination: Beautiful

"Forgive my hesitation, but I'm learning to trust in you
Help me to dream these dreams, cause I don't have a clue."
[mae - Giving It Away]

These lines totally jumped out at me while I was walking home from the train this afternoon. I wrote a few weeks back about my cynicism - it's so hard for me to trust God with some things, because I feel like I've been disappointed one too many times. But instead of sinking into this cynicism, I should be asking God to "help me dream these dreams". God won't let me down...
I just talked with my sister who is on a high from answered prayer. I also spent some time with Jen, who was telling me about what a difference it made to her day that she actually dedicated it to God this morning.
I am so prayerless! Once again, my fear of disappointment has kept me from earnest prayer.
God, please help me dream these dreams, cause I really don't have a clue about how to trust You! Let me dream dreams that are as big as You are!!!
rambled on byThais 5:30 PM

: Wednesday, March 10, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Noise Ratchet - Til We Have Faces

"Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life" - Ps 23:6 [The Message]
Wow. How true! And how easily forgotten. How easy to forget that God is chasing after me! And yet, how numerous the reminders that He is indeed pursuing me! Sunshine, a good conversation, a sweet harmony.
Thank You, Father, that Your love and Your beauty chase after me. Thank You that You seek me out a hundred times better than I seek You. Thank You for the continued reminders of Your insane love and Your breathtaking beauty. Where - what - would I be without You?
rambled on byThais 10:43 AM

: Monday, March 08, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Jeremy Camp - The Worship Project

Sometimes I feel like I could drive forever.
Keep my eyes on the horizon,
And let You speak to me.
Let You still my heart,
And move my soul.
Breathe You in.
Worship.
Focus.
Live.

rambled on byThais 10:24 PM

: Monday, March 01, 2004 :

 
How do I depend on you?
How do I follow you?
How do I get to know you?
How do I talk to you?
How do I plead with you?
How do I live for you?
How do I love you?

Unmoved.
Undisciplined.
Unchanged.
Apathetic.
Wandering.
Sorry.
And wishing for more.

Yours Truly,
Thais
rambled on byThais 10:35 PM