: Tuesday, June 22, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Sarah Bettens - Go

Sunday, Brother Yun from China spoke at our church. He's basically the guy who started the house church movement in China. He's been violently beaten and thrown into jail; he's witnessed unbelievable miracles; and watching him worship in our congregation brought tears to my eyes. But his talk didn't really inspire me as much as I thought it would. His interpreter talked too loud, and his pentecostal bent completely threw me off. I didn't feel like he left us with anything practical, except to obey God and make disciples...

But I had a staff meeting this morning that changed my perception of him.

This guy has a passion for God, and he has a passion for the lost. In China, you can't be a nominal Christian. If you're a Christian, you will be persecuted. Period. The Great Commission is this man's priority. His entire life is dedicated to going and making disciples. It's the man's passion. The lost is what he weeps about. It's what he pleads God for. It's what he suffers for. It's what he'd die for. Larry asked, in regards to our church: "Where's the passion? Where are our tears?" It got to me.

Seriously, what are we doing? What am I doing? If you look at my life without me saying anything to justify it, you'd say my passion is the computer, and perhaps a hanfdul of friends. That's where I spend my time, and that's where my emotions are spent. How sad! I don't plead for God to reveal Himself to the people around me. In fact, I don't know if I've pleaded with God about anything recently. I offer a prayer of tears once in a blue moon. It's maybe happened to me twice.

This is not the way God wants me to live! Why don't I realise what a treasure He is? Why don't I plead for the salvation of people around me? Why am I not passionate about the Great Commission?
No matter WHAT evangelism looks like, I should be doing it with the most blazing passion ever! It might not look like what it looks like in China, but the passion should be the same!!!

My God, how can I be so wrapped up in myself? How can I remain unmoved? Father, show me Your love. Show me Your people. Give me Your passion. Give me Your heart. Give me Your tears for the people who ache for You, for the people who don't know You, for the people who go through life aimlessly because they haven't encountered You!!
rambled on byThais 6:10 PM

: Monday, June 21, 2004 :

 
Life's busy! One week to go til I take off for Chicago and numerous things to get done before I board that plane. For instance, figuring out how we're actually getting to Cornerstone, yeah, that would be a useful detail to figure out...

Tomorrow morning, I have a meeting with a guy from Global Hope, a really cool Christian humanitarian organisation that I would love to work with for 6 months next year (the India plan is on hold - but not the motivation behind it). We'll see what happens in that meeting. I would love it if I walked out of it with a semblance of a plan for September through February.

This is my last week of work. Craziness. I've already said some official goodbyes, but this week is the last wednesday night small group, my last staff meeting, my last "official" meeting with Larry. It's the last week I can hang out with most of the YFC interns. Last week of disciplship hangouts too. Yeah, it's that time of the year again... Not my favourite.

It feels like I've been too busy to just think and ponder life like I usually like to do. There's been too many people to see, too many Euro soccer games to watch (Switzerland needs to beat France tonight, please fast, pray, and rend your clothes for this to happen), too many administrative things to get done, too many friends to hang out with for one last time.

Maybe this afternoon, I will find some time to go for a walk. I'll take a Bible with me and focus in, listen, be still. It's really what my heart needs in the midst of the frenzy!
rambled on byThais 10:42 AM

: Tuesday, June 15, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Something Corporate - North

Sorry, it's been a while. Maybe I've been too happy to write - you know how it's easier to write about hard stuff than it is to write about positive stuff? I think that's what's the problem's been! That and busyness too, of course. I've been running around quite a lot these days. But here I am again, happy and not too busy.
Seriously, I don't think I've ever felt this satisfied in a long time. Everything that matters seems to be going just right. A little scary, I suppose. But it's a good feeling. A couple sundays ago, I lead worship with the youth band and it went beautifully. The guys played the best I've ever heard them, I was able to actually worship while I was up there, we had a fluidity and a togetherness that we hadn't really managed before. All credit goes to God's goodness - this sure isn't something I achieved.
I've had great friends encourage me and tell me they like me - always makes my day (more like my month, actually).
I can see growth in the youth group and in my relationships with kids. It's crazy to see God at work. Wow, what a year!!
I'm not as satisfied with my relationship with God, of course, because I never will be. I dont put enough time into it, and I don't value it enough. I wish I wasn't lazy about it. :(
I did have sort of a difficult conversation with the missions committee "head" this morning. He was really challenging my plan to go to India, and asking me if I didn't think it was too big of a leap, etc. Here I was thinking it would be a step forward in my planning to talk to him, but really, it was like ten steps backwards. Ack. I'm even more confused about what to do now. I just hope I will have left Geneva by mid-September... It's weird, I'm even starting to doubt that God even wants me to go. But I know He wants me gone. Don't I? Aaaah, confusing.
So there you have it, that's my rambles for today... Pray for me. I am really happy and satisfied with this year, but I have no clue what awaits me after this...
rambled on byThais 2:47 PM

: Thursday, June 03, 2004 :

 
Listening to: Shane & Shane - Upstairs

Well now that it's out that Marie is here, I can write my post without ruining the surprise. :)
You see, a thought came to my mind as I was waiting for her at the airport. It just so happened that her flight was delayed - so there I was at the airport with 45 minutes of waiting before me. I couldn't even listen to music, because I'd forgotten to bring headphones.
Anyways, there I was, awaiting the arrival of someone I'd really missed. I couldn't stand still. Forty-five minutes seemed like forty-five days! I was trying to spot her from the glass windows, and then I would try to sit for a while, but I couldn't sit for long. I was so looking forward to seeing her in person again, and giving her a hug and laughing and talking and just being in her company.

And then I had my thought. I thought, hey, is this the way God longs for me? When I don't spend time with my heavenly Father, does He miss me? Does He await my "arrival" as impatiently as I awaited Marie's? Does He actually look forward to spending time with me "in person"?
I really think the answer is yes! God - the creator of this beautiful world wants my company...

And you know what's crazy? Most of the time, I just turn my back and stay in baggage claim waiting for my luggage. I could run out and really MEET with Him, but instead, I'm content with being faintly aware of Him through the glass windows... How dumb - we are satisfied with so little of Him; but God has SO MUCH... If only we realised the extent of His love for us!

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
[Zephaniah 3:17]
rambled on byThais 11:20 AM